On Monday evening, August 21, 2017, only hours after the first total solar eclipse that crossed the country since 1991, President Donald Trump called an emergency meeting with his ever changing National Security Council.

Trump explained to the council members how he just discovered a new “super power” that he never knew he had.

“Everybody knows that you immediately go blind if you look at an eclipse without special glasses,” Trump said. “It’s true. Thousands of people go blind every year. Even science says so, and science is sometimes right.”

Fearing reprimand from the Twitter Tyrant, the men vigorously shook their heads in agreement with their all-knowing leader; U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley was sent out for coffee and donuts.

“Today I looked at the eclipse with my amazing eyes, and nothing happened,” Trump continued. “It’s true. There is a picture of it and everything. Everybody is talking about it.”

The president then proceeded to give evidence to back up his claim.

“The Fake Media is going to try and say that I am blind now. That’s a lie. They are always lying about me.”

Trump then held out his hand with two fingers extended.

“There are two fingers, see. How would I know that if I was blind?”

“Shall I put this on the list of other super powers sir?” Secretary of State Rex Tillerson asked.

“Of course, it’s why I called this meeting,” Trump responded.

Other super powers on the list include the ability to glow in the dark, bend reality and hands so huge they can grab a woman’ pu##y a mile away.


This is a satire and not meant to be taken seriously.

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